Foreword: I’ve been on a writing hiatus of a sort – I had a ton of tomfoolery & transitioning going on. But I’m back at it, and I’m better than before…and discussing a topic that will probably make a lot of people uncomfortable (including myself, even as I’m penning it)! Sometimes, the things we truly need don’t come from a “feel good” Gospel – it’s a “get right” Gospel. So get into this “word” for you and yours!
Pardon my slightly obscene linguistic candor — “Sideline women getting main bitch feelings” (courtesy of my friend Chasity’s InstaGram @hairgeneticks). And it doesn’t only apply to women – men can be proportionately FOOLISH, too.
IMAGINE THAT. In a contemporary society infatuated with superficial beauty, money, sex, drugs, cocktails, grandiose lifestyles likened to the rich & famous, weekend after weekend “partying” (amongst other things), and a constant search for THE NEXT BEST (looking) THING, oftentimes the LAST thing many young adults focus on are monogamous, committed, mutually loving relationships. That is, until the weekend is over and many are left exhausted and by themselves.
I have family and friends everywhere – the major cities of southern California, D.C., NYC, London, Atlanta, Dallas, Indianapolis, New Orleans, Miami, Chicago, Kansas City, Charlotte, Philly, and of course, my newly-established hometown, Houston – and the story is the same in each place, relatively unchanged: people settle for the temporary “right now, this looks good and feels good so I’m going to run with it” (or let it run through me) instant gratification, but ultimately end up feeling empty and left thirsting for something whole & fulfilling. We’ve all done it. Well most of us, except the chosen few Holy Thou Art, 100% self-respecting, upstanding, stately “My heart & body has ALWAYS and WILL ALWAYS be a temple” folk who are completely and totally faultless in their eternal walk through life. But, on a serious note, the vicious cycle is incredibly addictive and enjoyable in the moment, but is at end equally vacant and void of substance.
For real-world practicality, let’s look at a few examples:
When you’re a straight, heterosexual female, and you’re having spontaneos sex with a man you find yourself attracted to on the first night you meet him, and agree to do everything sexually under the sun he desires WHEREVER he wants to do it, yet you expect him to wake up (if he even spends the night next to you), hold you, whisper sweet nothings in your ear while love songs serenade you at a low volume in the background, and then take you to breakfast the next morning, fully cover the tab and tip, and call/text you the rest of the week like you’re the main girlfriend you already knew that he had – you might need to reconsider your grasp on reality.
If you’re a straight, heterosexual male, and you’re smashing a female you used to date years ago for old time’s sake over the holidays who’s now moved off to college and has found herself in a committed relationship, yet you’re expecting her to treat you with the same privileges of exclusivity, call you “bae” and other assorted terms of endearment, and run to see you every time you miss her cooking, her massages, and her first-time loving to give you a piece of “good” on a silver Tiffany platter – reconsider.
(I Don’t Discriminate…)
If you happen to be a bisexual/homosexual female, and you’re openly passing out sweet-tasting pieces of your candy to all the boys and girls who come to your yard every time they knock or ring your doorbell, yet you expect to get cuffed up, locked down, and two-step off the stage with a bling-bling ring? TRICK or TREAT! Reconsider.
And if you discover that you’re a bisexual/homosexual male who is partnering with a dude and holding him down like he’s your one and only, yet you know for a fact that he’s willing to run up in anything that will open wide and say “ahhh,” yet you expect him to leave those streets alone and come partner with you exclusively and settle down because you’ve turned your house into his home – children please, reconsider.
Of course, the preceding situations are a tad extreme and dramatized at some angles and not by any means absolute or definitive of the aforementioned men & women’s lifestyles, but they are intended to be eye-opening and should inspire self-reflection. When we take the time to analyze & dissect our behaviors, we learn a lot about ourselves, the world we were born into (the “static,” for this purpose), the world we’ve personally CREATED in our own individual circumstances (the “active”), and most significantly, our unique role and placement in those worlds and how the people within them perceive us. I emphasize the active to denote an OWNERSHIP that many of us have in the circumstances we find ourselves in, just in case you were thinking otherwise. Yes, ‘tis the truth: I, the author of this post, and YOU, the reader, can have a hand in our own situations. It is then, and only then, when we wholly accept this responsibility of ownership that we can start to move forward and resolutely change for the better.
Most people initially judge us based on how we look and what energy we emanate from the point of introduction, but if given the opportunity, they will certainly draw more important conclusions based on our behaviors, personal decisions, and life activities. Folks notice when you’re on some “I’m down for whatever” type hype. And that’s cool – if you’re indeed about THAT life and don’t desire anything more. But don’t expect to end up in their iPhone favorites list (under your real name), to get invited to dinner with mom & dad, or end up being the Mr. or Mrs. Self-respect is the supreme respect, and in its presence, respect from others is demanded and ultimately required at its best and strongest points. Also, if you know that someone is currently in a relationship or “situation,” as they often like to fashion it - don’t shake the table unless you’re ready to get SHOOK, to cite Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta lead songstress K. Michelle. That’s fire at its hottest heat, and unless you’re a CIA-trained operative, you more than likely will get caught up and/or suffer more than a few burns. And if you are indeed that good to not directly and immediately get caught related to the situation, know that karma is a real bitch. I’m just saying. Take heed.
My disclaimer: I’m not perfect, faultless, impeccable or unrelated to any of the above. I actually have had some major points of growth, examples that inspired personal reconstruction, and some fall flat on my face moments that I have to heal from and learn through. It is my goal with this post, as with most others on my blog, to shed light on the realities of my life and others’ lives to inspire positive change and save my readers a few future heartaches, tears, and bruises. Live real. Learn daily. Love hard (YOURSELF first & foremost, then OTHERS when it’s RIGHFULLY EARNED & DESERVED). FIND YOUR TRUTH, and learn to TRUST yourself and others in your life. And FREEDOM & HAPPINESS will become ALL YOURS! It’s easier said than done, but it’s possible…